Make-A-Statement Commentary Blog

Anyone who has been married for any length of time can identify with what I am about to say.

Aside from the physical aspects, there is a distinct difference between the way men think and the way women think. Trust me on this one.

As you know, if you have been reading this for some time, we just moved into another house. I won’t bore you with a repeat of the dangers associated with making the actual move. This week I’d like to cover a few things that have happened after the move.

The first is that women seem to think about a garbage disposal the same way as a man thinks about a chipper/shredder. The one in the house we moved into was the ever popular ‘weasel’ model and is about 1/3 horsepower. Barely enough to chew up wet paper towels. My loving wife is used to the giant industrial commercial grade one I had installed in our previous house. This was the 5 horsepower (Turbo-Destructor Model 9500) with the rope pull start cord which could be used in case of emergency. You could grind up a stump or angle iron if you needed to do so. I think you had to have some sort of national security clearance just to own one.

Continue reading "Letters From North America by Peary Perry 04-03-09" »

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If I had to guess, I’d say that over the years, I’ve written more columns about the differences between men and women and how they think. Or how they don’t think.

For example, we didn’t get a chance to sort everything out from our house before we moved. Now we’re trying to do it after we’ve moved in. Not the best option and one to avoid if there is anyway possible. This should be one of the cardinal rules taught to young men who are about to be married for the first time. I’ve gone over these many times in the past and will likely do another column on them again in the future. These include taking notes on the day you get engaged. Copious notes about everything, the weather, where you went to dinner, what table you sat at, the waiters name, and most of all how your intended wore her hair and what she was wearing. This will come up in later conversations and there will be a test. I cannot over emphasize this to you at this time. You may think she doesn’t remember where you parked your car and in which direction it was pointed, but she does and she will ask you about it, trust me on this one.

Anyway, once you’re married, she’ll begin to collect and save things you cannot begin to imagine. You give her a Valentines Day card? She’ll save it. Birthday cards? Never thrown away. Mothers Day cards? She’ll keep them until she dies and then they’ll pass onto someone else, God only knows who. I have friends who have cards dating back to the twelfth century and earlier which have been handed down from one generation to another. I would think a ‘get well’ card from Genghis Khan would be worth something, but then again, what do I know? The point is that your wife will have stuff hidden away throughout your house for years in places you cannot imagine even existed. Women could write books about where to hide things that the DEA and FBI would never find.

Continue reading "Letters From North America 03-24-09 Peary Perry" »

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Wednesday - March 11, 2009

Greetings from the West Texas Jingoistic Association For Gun Clinging Smear Merchants.

GENTLEMAN:

This week I received some sad news out of Hobbs, New Mexico. The father of one of my good friends passed away. The man's name was James Burton Veteto. The obituary did not give his age but I am sure he was in his mid - late eighties. I hear the term "Gentleman or Gentlemen" use quite a bit and I am sure that it fits with some and not with others. But I lived in Hobbs, New Mexico for 30 years and knew quite a few who deserved the title of "Gentleman". Mr. Veteto was certainly one of them. I was close with his son Mark who I try to see every time I return to Hobbs for a visit. Mr. Veteto always treated me with kindness and I know he was well respected in the community. He was a very successful businessman and I valued his opinion on most matters. I saw him often when I visited with another very good friend who was his neighbor. Every time I hear the term "Gentleman" used I try to think of all of the people with whom I was fortunate to come into contact, who happen to fit that description. Mr. James Burton Veteto is always one who comes to my mind. He will be missed. My thoughts and prayers are with his family on this day.

EQUAL:

There was an article this week in our local newspaper, "The (Sub) Standard Times" [for those of you residing in the 'People's Republic of San Francisco, the (Sub) was my own addition]. This particular story dealt with an Iranian woman who now lives in Spain. This woman, in 2004, had acid thrown in her eyes causing her blindness in both eyes. Well the wonderful Islamic court system in Iran has ruled that the victim was entitled to blind the defendant, BUT she was only entitled to blind the man who had blinded her in only one eye. This is according to the Islamic law system of "quisas", or an eye-for-an-eye retribution. Because in Iran each man is worth two women she is only entitled to pour acid in one of his eyes. What a great system. Religion of Peace my backside. Every time I hear some politician sounding off about the Nation of Islam being a "Religion of Peace" I want to send them to one of those countries to live for a year or so and see if they come back with the same attitude.

Continue reading "GENTLEMAN / GUNS / EQUAL by Jim Murphy" »

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Stick a fork in me…I’m done. I can’t think of one place on my body that doesn’t hurt. Even my hair (what’s left of it) is in pain. I’d have to feel better to die.

In case you forgot, we have spent the last week moving from one house to another one. If you get the chance to do this, take my advice and don’t. Save yourself some grief. Stay in one place for as long as you can. Buy or rent a cave and make a conscience decision not to ever move for any reason. Trust me on this.

Our main problem is that we are moving into a house that is about 1300 square feet smaller than where we have been for the past eleven years. Our stuff just won’t fit. That is it won’t fit in any convenient sense of the word. Our house looks like a furniture store. Couches and chairs stacked up in bedrooms. Boxes against the wall, pictures wrapped and laying on the floor. I think we could put a sign in the yard and sell most of this stuff without any trouble at all. Just take cash, no credit cards accepted.

Continue reading "Letters From North America by Peary Perry 03-03-09" »

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WEDNESDAY - February 18, 2009
 
Hello once again from the West Texas Headquarters Of The Culture Of Corrupt Jingoist Smear Machines.
 
STIMULUS:
 
Let me get this out of the way first;  NO  I  HAVE  NOT  READ  THE  STIMULUS  BILL.  So that makes me at least even with the majority of the House of Representatives and the United States Senate.  None of them have read this idiotic piece of legislation either.  Oh, some of them probably read small parts but I'll wager that the only parts they read were those which dealt with their own particular district or state.
 
According to some of the information which I read, California was first with funding for 1971 projects;  Florida was second with funding for 1752 projects;  and Texas was third with funding for 1240 projects.  Now since I live in Texas I believe I have a right to sound off on the $10.7 BILLION Taxpayer Dollars earmarked for my state.
 
Leading the State of Texas in hog meat is the City of Dallas with nearly $1.3 BILLION;  Followed by San Antonio with $1.07 BILLION;  Followed by Austin with $1.03 BILLION and Houston with a paltry $588 MILLION in swine handouts.  Now I am not going to bore you with everything on which these funds are being spent but San Antonio has $10 MILLION earmarked for upgrading the Alamo Dome.  Now I am sure that the Alamo Dome probably could use some sprucing up but this is a stadium owned, I believe, by either The City of San Antonio or Bexar, County.  So why should taxpayer money from other parts of the state and nation be used to improve something which is owned by the government in that area?  Actually that doesn't gripe me as much as the  $18 MILLION earmarked in Austin for a boardwalk around "Lady Bird" Lake.  But I imagine that quite a bit of this so called "Stimulus Package" in every state is going to be blown on similar projects.
 

Continue reading "Stimulus / Stuff by Jim Murphy" »

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After nearly twenty months we have finally sold our home and will be moving in a week or so. I say a week or so, because it isn’t me that is in charge of this move. It’s my wife. The responsibility is on her shoulders, hers alone.

The other morning, I was wandering around the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and looking at the collection of boxes, paper, tape and bubble wrap. I made a comment to my wife and told her that I didn’t seem to find any rhyme or reason to her method of packing all of our stuff. It looked to me as if she was working in all of the rooms at one time. My method would be to do one room and then go to another.

She placed her hands on her hips (a sign I have tried to avoid ) and told me in very low and pleasant tones that it had been her that had moved us at any time in the past and that she knew what she was doing and I should just stay out of the process. In other words, go away and let me do this. I am woman…I am in charge. Hear me roar.

Continue reading "Letters From North America by Peary Perry 02-16-09" »

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It seems to me that just about all of the instructions you need to get through life can be found in the bible. Perhaps I’m crazy but I think that somewhere in there it says that we would be better off teaching a man to fish than feeding him a fish for one day. This might be in the book of Hesitations, but I can’t be sure.

Anyway, I’m certain that the lesson is in there somewhere, even if I have gotten it all wrong so far. The point is that we are all better off teaching others to take care of themselves rather than giving them a hand out day after day, year after year.

So, how did I arrive at this topic for this week? Easy, the birds. You remember that movie that Hitchcock put out years ago? Well, that’s the scene at our house. We are overloaded with doves. The majestic birds of peace.

And the majestic birds of poop.

Continue reading "Letters From North America by Peary Perry 01-12-09" »

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Hello again from the West Texas Anti-Global Gun Clinging Supporters Of Jingoism.
 
This past week my old friend and ex-partner Peary Perry, who presently resides in the "People's Republic of Austin", wrote an article which pointed out just how sick our society has become.  He was specifically referring to the young man, 19 years old, who committed suicide over the Internet while many sat idly by and watched this occurrence. The police in that jurisdiction reported that only ONE person called them to report the incident.  People who watched this incident had various responses ranging from "I thought it was a joke" to "All you are doing is looking".
 
Apparently this attitude prevails in many parts of our great country.   I am proud to say that it is not a practice which is nationwide BUT it will get that way if we sit around and do nothing to change this attitude.  Of course if this had cost many of those onlookers money out of their own pocket, perhaps they would have viewed it a bit different.  A sad commentary of our times.
 
NEWS  COVERAGE:
 
I don't know about the rest of you but I am growing a bit weary of the constant reporting of Plaxico Burress and his problems with the law.  Every thirty minutes or so, it seems like we are subjected to the same film clip of Plaxico exiting the Police Station.  Then one of the news channels felt it necessary to begin to ask this probing question:  "Should professional athletes be allowed to carry handguns?"  Now this might not seem like much to some of you but I can almost guarantee that this is another attempt to erode our Second Amendment rights.  The anti-gun group will use any occurrence to further their cause.  We have all received messages and read about legislation in the works to regulate all firearms ammunition.  Not necessarily to block the sale BUT to make it so restrictive that the cost of already expensive ammunition would skyrocket to an unrealistic figure.
 

Continue reading "ROCKY / SUV / GOVERNMENT by Jim Murphy" »

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Wednesday - October 28,  2008
 
Greetings from the West Texas Regional Chapter of Vast Right Wing Conspiratorial Gun Clinging Sons of Jingoism.
 
Let me begin by voicing my opinion of the media coverage of the election up to this point.  ENOUGH!  If I hear the terms "Battleground State" or "Swing State" another time, I fear for anyone within my reach (family and friends excluded).  These are a couple of terms which have been completely over used by the media mutts.  Doesn't it make sense that ALL  STATES are in fact "Battleground States"?  If so, then doesn't it also make sense that if all the votes have been cast; and most of the results from the majority of the states are known;  and neither candidate has a clear victory at hand;  and  neither has enough electoral votes to claim victory; wouldn't it be possible for several or perhaps all of the remaining states to be "Swing States"?  Now for those of you residing in the "People's Republic of San Francisco" the remaining states would be able to "Swing" the election toward one particular candidate.  Ah, but not so.  Our idiot mainstream media, no, let me rephrase that, ALL  OF  OUR  MEDIA have already decided which states are "Swing States" just as they have decided which states are "Battleground States."  Just as they have decided who should be our next President.
 
So if the thought of the news media, and particularly the far left socialist leaning mainstream media, choosing our next President doesn't bother you then read no further.  The brutal truth is that NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Time Magazine and several more, are all in the tank for Barack Hussein Obama and have all attempted to do a real hatchet job on Sarah Palin.  Have they succeeded?  We will find out next Tuesday.
 
I believe it was yesterday when I had my TV on FOX News and it was in the time slot in the afternoon when Shepard Smith was hosting the program.  He had a telephone interview with Joe Wurzelbacher (to clarify this for the Freedom Loving Residents of the Socialist Workers State of Massachusetts, this would be Joe the Plumber").  Let me say at this point that I know several good people who live in the State of Massachusetts, however the majority of the voters in that state have chosen "Fat Teddy", John Kerry, and Barney Frank as elected officials so the sanity of the majority of the Massachusetts voters is definitely in question.
 

Continue reading "Socialist, Math, Acorn by Jim Murphy" »

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Hello once again from the West Texas Association For Gun Clinging Conspiratorial Jingoistic Right Wing Fed Up People.
 
Let me begin this week with a few quick words about Congressman Jack Murtha.  FIRST  CLASS  MUTT.  What made it really great was the fact that after he called the people in his Pennsylvania district racists, he returned to the camera and in a manner which only a liberal idiot could do, took back the racist comment and replaced it with "redneck".   Way to go Jack.  If stupidity were a country, you would be like Russia.
 
This past week we have all been subjected to various news stories about "Joe The Plumber".   Aren't we fortunate that we have media outlets like NBC and several others to point out some really interesting facts about "Joe The Plumber".  First we were made aware that his first name really isn't Joe.   Then after some really outstanding investigative journalism techniques, we were made aware of the shocking fact that "Joe The Plumber" did NOT have a plumbing license.  Boy those two facts were really Biblical in nature, weren't they?  Now not only did the usual suspect liberal news sources harp on this until I was about ready to burst into flames, but FOX News crack reporter Shepard Smith saw fit to also make us aware of these two shocking facts.  As a matter of fact, I found Shepard Smith's reporting of this to be really more obnoxious than the regular mainstream.  Smith was snotty and condescending and even made the statement that since "Joe The Plumber" did not possess a plumbing license that perhaps he should be referred to as: "Joe, the guy who works on the pipes."  I am sure that Shep thought he had hit a home run in the humor area but I thought he had shown his true colors, which were those of an arrogant turd.
 

Continue reading "Muttha / Joe / Mort by Jim Murphy" »

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To get your mind off of the upcoming election, I thought I would throw in a little humor this week. When will this be over? It seems like it’s been going on for at least a full year.

My 50 year high school reunion is coming up in about 18 months or so. Between now and then there are several things that I must get done.

First off, I need to lose about fifty pounds. I weighted 112 when I graduated, but I think that would be impossible for me to realistically achieve unless I stopped eating altogether for the remaining period of time. Even then I don’t think I would make it or if I did I would have to be wheeled in with all sorts of tubes and bags hanging on me. Not a good impression. This might have a dampening effect on the whole party.

Next, I have to have a hair transplant and a full face lift. I need to do this in the not so distant future since I want the scars to heal and for the surgery not to be so obvious. I think hair transplants such as the one Joe Biden got are really terrible, so I need to research what looks super natural. Oh, and I’ll need at least 5 hours a day in the gym to tone and muscle up my sagging body.

The last and probably most important part of this plan is to make a huge amount of money to pay for all of the items I’ve outlined above. Of course you have to allow for a complete new wardrobe for both my wife and myself. The money part is probably the stickiest part of my plan.

I realize I should have gotten started earlier, but some things just kept getting in the way.

Among them were kids and grandkids, jobs, houses, parents, taxes, health, school, and a raft of other things that seemed to occupy my time for these past 50 years. I sit back and think to myself that it sure seemed as if it flew by in a hurry. Just the other day it was 1960 and here it is 2008 already. Whoa, that was quick.

I think the last reunion I went to was my 25th. Someone on the organization committee  had printed the name tags in red ink. Trust me; you don’t want to do this. No one at the 25th wanted to be seen wearing glasses and the red ink in a dimly lit ballroom made the names virtually impossible to read. So, everyone ended up squinting and trying to grab a glimpse on the sly.

Of course it didn’t help that everyone had changed. Few of us looked like we did at age 18.

I don’t know why, but when I look in the mirror I see the same person I have always been. It’s when I am trying to run up several flights of stairs or lift heavy objects that my body tends to fail. I’ve also noticed that my eyesight isn’t as sharp as it was before and my wife tells me I need to invest in a hearing aid. I choose to believe I have selective hearing and will put off the hearing aid as long as I can.

The good news is that I think by this stage of the game, everyone should be past the point of trying to impress everyone else. No limo’s or other nonsense like that. No by this time in our lives I think all of us would be wearing sensible shoes with good arch supports as well as comfortable loose fitting clothing. Instead of your athletic prowess you should be glad to show that you still have all of your own teeth. As well as other material parts of your body.

Growing old or older certainly isn’t a lot of fun but it beats not growing older. I met a guy at lunch today who was 88 and says he is still trying to figure out what to do when he grows up. I want this to be my attitude. So many people are concerned over what other people will think of them and to be honest no one really cares. No one today will probably recall what you did or said 15 or 20 years from now.

Unless it was totally bizarre like my concept of a total body makeover and billionaire status within the next 18 months.

Now that would get people’s attention. I just wonder if I have enough time to pull it off.

Probably not.

Comments go to pperry@austin.rr.com

Continue reading "Letters From North America 10-14-08" »

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Wednesday - October 8, 2008
 
A pretty hot welcome from the West Texas Branch of Vast Right Wing Conspiratorial Gun Clingers.
 
Last night I tried to watch the John McCain -  Barack Hussein Obama debate.  I found it to be incredibly dull and really without a whole bunch of substance.  As you might have guessed, I am NOT an UNDECIDED voter.  At this late stage of the game, if an individual is UNDECIDED then he or she, as the case may be, is in dire need of an intelligence transfusion.  While attempting to get excited about this debate, all the time knowing full well that The Missouri Breaks was showing  on the Western Channel, all I heard was pretty much the same old stuff.
 
There is no doubt in my mind that John McCain is light years ahead of the ultra liberal Senator from Chicago.  While John McCain did point a few well deserved fingers at Obama, I personally thought he spent way too much time telling us about his ability to "Reach across the aisle" and work with Democrat/Socialist Senators naming "Fat Teddy"(this would be Massachusetts Senator Edward Kennedy);   Russ Feingold; and a couple of other far left loons.  Every time I hear the term "Reach Across The Aisle" I can't help but think of the reasons given to "Reach Across The Aisle".  The only valid reason I can come up with to "Reach Across The Aisle", particularly to reach Fat Teddy or Russ Feingold, would be to choke the crap out of them both.
 
But we all know that what today's politicians mean by "Reaching Across The Aisle" is to work in a "BI-PARTISAN" manner with a bunch of socialists who have absolutely no intention of giving in to any conservative thought or suggestion.  I have had about enough of bi-partisan behavior.  I am about ready for so called conservative politicians to just stand up for what is right.  Stop giving in to these far left leaning bozos.  Remember, giving in is EASY.  Standing up for what is right is HARD.  These people are not elected to take the easy way out.
 

Continue reading "BI-PARTISAN/DEBATE/REACH by Jim Murphy" »

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Dear readers: this is a column I put out several years ago….my wife as well as others have asked me to repeat it. Since I don’t catalog any columns by subject (I suppose I should) the only way I can find an old one is to go back and look at each one. So here it is…

Wow, what a week. ... not the time of the year for 1200 miles of car travel in Texas .... this is going to be a scorcher this year ... Spent an wonderful couple of days at a Bed and Breakfast in Austin. You can't call them a Bed and Board any longer ... because they don't "board" you, they just give you breakfast. It was very enjoyable and relaxing ... The place was quiet, clean and best of all the owners left us alone to do whatever we felt like doing ... my kind of place .. .I hope I can find others out there that are just as pleasant. I was telling the owner, about writing this column over a cup of coffee and he told me he had something funny he wanted me to read .... My wife and I were sitting on a swing on the upstairs porch drinking coffee as we went over what you are about to read .... I have to tell you both of our sides hurt from laughing so hard .... I wish I could take credit for having written this ... but, I can't...I do hope you find this as funny as we did ...

THIS IS AN ACTUAL ESSAY WRITTEN BY A COLLEGE APPLICANT TO NYU ..
3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

Continue reading "Letters From North America 10-05-08" »

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I can remember a time in my life, many years ago when I actually wished for more mail. As a kid I had a subscription to several comic books and was really excited when the latest issue arrived. I bet they don’t even have mail subscriptions any longer. If I received a letter from my Grandmother I was always thankful for her letter as well as the money she enclosed. Mostly the money.

But as we get older I find that going to the mailbox just doesn’t seem to be as much fun as it used to be. By the time you sort through all of the catalogs and special deals from people and companies you’ve never heard of, you are left with a pile of bills that you didn’t want in the first place.

From time to time I manage to get removed from most of the junk mail addresses, but somehow they find me again and start the process all over. There is one particular bank that sends me credit card offers a couple of times a week. I only wish I had the money they must spend on postage. Trust me….if they had access to mailing lists in the Middle East, I’d be willing to bet they could get a letter to Osama Bin Ladin in a matter of days. These people are relentless.

What makes me wonder is how do these people make any money? Most of the medical junk mail I get concerns so called ‘miracle’ cures for everything from dandruff to cancer. Some of the stuff is offered for free. I’ve made the mistake of responding to some of those and find that doing so causes your mail to increase at an alarming rate. On any number of occasions I’ve used a different first name just to see what happens. I can tell you what happens; they sell the name you give them to other direct mail companies. Thus your mail will increase. Count on it.

Continue reading "Letters From North America 08-19-08" »

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